Hunks Of Halloween

Lance Fenton as Jay Jansen in Night of the Demons

Since we've been on a Night of the Demons kick here these past few days (reviewing the first film here, the second one here and hosting the bootlegged soundtrack here.) we figured what better time to tip our hat (and adjust our uh, neither regions...shorts, I meant our shorts) to Night of the Demon's resident hunk of dead meat Jay Jansen (Lance Fenton of Heathers fame). Oh sure, the white jacketed, Regan youth is sleazy as they come in these things, but lets not hold that against him. All the poor guy wanted to do was get laid on Halloween and it's not his fault that he chose blonde flaky Judy (Cathy Podewell, done up in her best Alice in Wonder-how-I-got-this-part-since-I-can't-act-my-way-out-of-a-paper-bag, um, I meant Alice in Wonderland costume) who'll put out for bad boy Sal (Billy Gallo, hello Papi) but no one else apparently. Unfortunately, he chose the Hull House mortuary to try and get some and it cost him life, his soul and his beautiful 'lil peepers.

At first you think it's all gonna be so different for poor Jay. Arriving to pick up Judy for the out of the way Halloween party they'll soon be attending, he's the perfect gentlemen; putting up with Judy's bratty little brother and then politely declining Judy's mother's fudge treats (aka "sun dried poodle turds"). But the night is just underway when he stops his girlfriend on her front stoop to get a little kiss. We can tell from their interaction that he's after one thing, and Judy's on to him (really, toss him my way girl). Once he and the entire gang arrive at the aforementioned haunted funeral home, Hull House, Jay's wandering eyes quickly find Suzanne (and her ass) and right in the middle of dancing with his date, he boogies away in pursuit of easier meat (a man after my own heart, Jay you slimeball, why did you die so). Amazingly, Judy puts up with it and does nothing more than stand there and pout, rejected (you half expect her to saunter off with a "well, fiddle-de-dee"). It's not much later though, when making out in a creepy, decrepit autopsy room when Judy has had just about enough of Jay's horndog ways, and Jay has had enough of Judy's ice princess behavior. Frustrated, Jay (and his, I imagine, beautiful penis) storms out in search of Suzanne (Linnea Quigley). He finds her. Though he unknowingly finds her possessed and mere seconds after she has tucked her lipstick away inside the flesh of her bared nipple (for safe keeping, we've all been there).

Impressed with Suzanne's wackadoodle makeup job (she's crudely drawn a heart over her face), he exclaims what a nice look that is for her to which she responds by baring her breasts further. It's a done deal at this point: poor Jay Jansen, in all his short lived Miami Vice splendor, is a goner. Minutes into their lovemaking, with Suzanne on top, she transforms and reveals her true nature. Snaggle-toothed, demon-eyed, and in serious need of more of that makeup she keeps fussing over there is a brief struggle for which our toned High School stud is no match, and then Suzanne politely pops his eyes out with her fingers

"Stop staring at me."

"Damn it Suzanne, your makeup is fine. C'mon what are you worried about?"

"Ahh! Jesus Christ! Ahh!"



You'd think that would be the end for our sexy Jay Jansen, taken in his youthful prime and prowess, but you'd be wrong. Besides becoming possessed by the house's insatiable demon shortly after his demise (thereby insuring himself a one way ticket to hell come morning), Suzanne has other plans for his body, which she delightfully illustrates to a horrified Sal and Judy upon discovering his corpse.

"Hey, how about an orgy? I'm sure if we try we can get Jay hard again."

Move over Sal. Move over Judy. You don't have to ask us deviants here at The October Country twice, Suzanne. RIP Jay Jansen. Or as peaceful as one can in hell.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...